Couch to 5k

The official Couch to 5k Running Program:

Week 1: Brisk five-minute warmup walk. Then alternate 60 seconds of jogging and 90 seconds of walking for a total of 20 minutes.

Week 2: Brisk five-minute warmup walk. Then alternate 90 seconds of jogging and two minutes of walking for a total of 20 minutes.

etc.

The Andy Couch to 5k Running Program:

Week 1: Walk around the neighborhood to get a lay of the land

Week 2: Forget the whole thing

Week 3: Decide to start again. Walk briskly to the gate of the apartment complex. Reflect on the fact that you live in a gated apartment complex. How the fuck did that happen. Walk to the telephone pole. Stretch. Walk to the bus stop. Notice they are cutting bus service to this stop, the bastards. Decide you better start running. Run to the end of the block. Hey this feels pretty good! You can do this! Keep running. Oh wow, it kinda hits you all at once. That hurts. Walk for awhile. Not too long. Maybe to where that white car is parked. The end of the car. Ok, the driveway after it. Run again. Oh, you got this. Run to that telephone pole. Run to the next one. Run up that hill! Oh man, lungs! Lungs are burning! Walk again. Walk down the hill. This part is flat, you can run on this part. Keep going. Ok, ok, walk. There is a crosswalk up there so you might as well walk up to it. Run again. Up the hill, you can make it! Oh man, is your ass supposed to hurt like that. You'd better stop. Wait! You can't stop in front of this woman running down the hill. She's kind of cute. Don't stare! Keep going until you are past her! Keep going! KEEP GOING! Ok, ok, she's past. The tricky part now is to stop without falling down. Just go from a run to a walk gracefully. Well, you caught yourself, so that's whats important. She had earbuds in right? She didn't hear that. Shit. She's right there. You didn't even make it out of her field of vision. Good one. She'll probably get a good laugh out of that with her boyfriend tonight. Hell, she's your age: her husband. Probably tell her kids a joke about it. Whatever fat boy! Walk it off. Ok, you always run this hill, so go ahead and run it now. Up you go. Why doesn't it feel like you are going any faster when you run? Ok, go ahead and stop. Just remember, you aren't running to look better, you are running to feel better.