Thursday, September 02, 2010

Timmy the Tiny Turtle Learns to Swim

I got a great offer from my twitter friend, Kerstin, who PROMISED to illustrate a children's book for me. So, here is my AMAZING children's book manuscript that I in no way wrote just now because I had a cup of coffee and still can't figure out how to revise this page of my dissertation.

Timmy the Tiny Turtle Learns to Swim

Page One: Timmy is a Tiny Turtle [image of tiny turtle's face and head]
Page Two: He's just hatched! [now we see timmy has just pushed his head from an egg in a large nest]
Page Three: He knows he shouldn't stay on the hot, hot sand. [hot looking sand]
Page Four: Where should he go? [puzzled looking Timmy]
Page Five and Six: The Sea! [Full two page spread of the sea, with gulls, surf and happy clouds]
Page Seven: But first, he has to scuttle past the Ravens [Scary Raven]
Page Eight: And the Coyotes [Scary Coyote]
Page Nine: Go, Timmy, go! [Timmy scuttles with great vigor]
Page Ten: He made it! [Timmy enters the surf]
Page Eleven: Now he has to swim! [Timmy immersed in water]
Page Twelve: He's never done that before. [Timmy pushed back by a wave]
Page Thirteen: First he pulls with his left flipper. [Timmy paddles into the wave with his left flipper]
Page Fourteen: Then with his right. [Timmy uses his right flipper]
Page Fifteen: Timmy's doing it! [Timmy zooms past a fish]
Page Sixteen: And just in time [Timmy surfaces for air]
Page Seventeen: He has a long swim ahead! [Distance view of Tiny Timmy bobbing in the vast ocean, as he swims off into the sunset]

Couch to 5k

The official Couch to 5k Running Program:

Week 1: Brisk five-minute warmup walk. Then alternate 60 seconds of jogging and 90 seconds of walking for a total of 20 minutes.

Week 2: Brisk five-minute warmup walk. Then alternate 90 seconds of jogging and two minutes of walking for a total of 20 minutes.


The Andy Couch to 5k Running Program:

Week 1: Walk around the neighborhood to get a lay of the land

Week 2: Forget the whole thing

Week 3: Decide to start again. Walk briskly to the gate of the apartment complex. Reflect on the fact that you live in a gated apartment complex. How the fuck did that happen. Walk to the telephone pole. Stretch. Walk to the bus stop. Notice they are cutting bus service to this stop, the bastards. Decide you better start running. Run to the end of the block. Hey this feels pretty good! You can do this! Keep running. Oh wow, it kinda hits you all at once. That hurts. Walk for awhile. Not too long. Maybe to where that white car is parked. The end of the car. Ok, the driveway after it. Run again. Oh, you got this. Run to that telephone pole. Run to the next one. Run up that hill! Oh man, lungs! Lungs are burning! Walk again. Walk down the hill. This part is flat, you can run on this part. Keep going. Ok, ok, walk. There is a crosswalk up there so you might as well walk up to it. Run again. Up the hill, you can make it! Oh man, is your ass supposed to hurt like that. You'd better stop. Wait! You can't stop in front of this woman running down the hill. She's kind of cute. Don't stare! Keep going until you are past her! Keep going! KEEP GOING! Ok, ok, she's past. The tricky part now is to stop without falling down. Just go from a run to a walk gracefully. Well, you caught yourself, so that's whats important. She had earbuds in right? She didn't hear that. Shit. She's right there. You didn't even make it out of her field of vision. Good one. She'll probably get a good laugh out of that with her boyfriend tonight. Hell, she's your age: her husband. Probably tell her kids a joke about it. Whatever fat boy! Walk it off. Ok, you always run this hill, so go ahead and run it now. Up you go. Why doesn't it feel like you are going any faster when you run? Ok, go ahead and stop. Just remember, you aren't running to look better, you are running to feel better.